|
|
Dan 1984-2001
This is what happened.
You never realize how close you are to someone until they leave you.
But what if they left you with their own decision?
He did, Dan, he did sit next to me.
For two years.
March 19th he killed himself.
He did not show the signs.
You know, the signs that warn you.
That let you save them.
No, he just did it.
I do not want to go into cause of death.
If I do that it means to me that I accept it for real.
It's not real.
He's coming back.
So we can finish our conversation on sound effects.
like "Shapinnng"... the sound of a tennish racket. (also "shiponnnng")
I'm not believing this.
I can't.
|
| |
These are my feelings:
This was a letter I wrote to Jim.
"Okay.
I guess...
I really don't know what to say...
I don't know if its okay to tell you.
Something very bad happened today.
I'm not myself today.
Something very bad.
Someone died.
He sat next to me.
He died.
He died on purpose.
He sat next to me.
I spoke to him yesterday.
I'm not myself today.
I'm not happy today.
I'm not even pretending to be.
I'm depressed.
I have to shout at someone.
I have no one to blame.
No one.
I can't blame him.
It hurts too much to think like that.
The impossible happened today.
I never knew how right I would be.
I said that something bad would happen.
I knew it.
I felt it.
Something bad did happen.
It happened today.
There was nothing we could do.
He was there yesterday.
Yesterday...
Did I say goodbye to him at the end of the day?
No.
I would have done it later.
There is no later.
I'm not myself today.
He said in the letter.
The letter...
He said he did not want anyone to follow suit.
The letter...
He said he was going to God.
And he would pray for us all there.
Pray...
Pray that we all made good decisions.
He died.
Last night.
The media will come soon.
They don't know what really happened.
How?
Why?
This school.
This ignorant school.
They thought nothing could harm us.
We were a private Catholic school.
He died.
Requiem.
It has been playing in my head.
The Death Mass.
I broke down.
Cried.
I almost never cry.
I cried and cried.
He was 16.
Maybe 17.
No, 16.
But he died.
Why don't I believe it?
Why?
I just.
Just what?
Just want him back?
Everyone does.
I...
I...
I don't believe it.
He's gone.
Why don't I know.
Why am I not crying again?
I'm sad.
I've never felt so empty.
Torn apart.
He did it on purpose.
He sat next to me.
I knew him.
I can hear his voice.
He left.
But he can't come back.
He's gone.
I don't understand.
And I can't say anymore.
I knew this would happen.
It hurts."
|
|
|
| |
From Mike: "The day is done. The night is near. The Dark cloud has descended upon my plain. It is snowing like an endless storm. The voices whisper at the top of their lungs. I try to scream, but my voice is not heard... for the flame has died in the black wind.
Oh dark and eerie fates that plague us day to day. The firy arrows fall from the skies with a destructive furry. I stand here now in the snow, my tears freeze before they hit the ground. I do not know how to feel. A friend is gone. He destroyed his own lifeforce. The very force that balanced his own nature, he destroyed with a swipe of the blade of death. I cry now, but only deaf ears hears my cries in the shallow abyss of the world. The rose is frozen by the bitter chill of anger sorrow and shock. GOodbye friend, you shall be missed by all.
Mike's a good writer.
|
|
|
| |
Jim... has actually helped me through this. "Ok ami
Ami i am so sorry for what happened to you it is so sad how did he die?
Your letter got me to thinking but it is to complicated to express in words. If i could, i would. i feel i have gottan to know you. You are a very troubled young lady young and you have to deal with all this stuff. It has to suck. I am happy I have been here to help and I wish I could stay longer. bye bye for now
jim [not the mole]
bye bye I am so sorry but your a great preson bye bye"
Thank you Jim.
|
|
|
|
